The Alphabet.

Most of the times, you start with the first letter.  and wish to continue rapidly with the next ones. you get to C, D and realize that  from the very beginning, you had a Z in your mind. other times, you find yourself in the middle of the alphabet. and it’s wonderful to feel that you already know the previous sequence of letters.  when you get to the critical Z, things become complicated.  there’s no letter left.  theoretically. then you want a different alphabet, admitting  the fact that everybody knows the one  you’ve just learnt.

there’s no thoughtful thing than being between alphabets. you know you’ll find a next one, you realize that somehow you forgot some letters, or you feel the need to remember them again. at one point, the question is different. aren’t there too many letters to remember?

I decided to continuously invent my own alphabet. an alphabet of creating and re-creating myself for my own self.  it’s  a painful pleasure of accepting new letters, with different meanings and roles, constructing the path to the final, critical and undefined Z.  somehow I acknowledge the risk of losing the precious inspiration of re-inventing my Alphabet, and get to that Z which has nothing after.

But get to real life. there’s actually only one alphabet and a few hundreds of languages and dialects.

funny reference letter

1. It is my pleasure to recommend Andrea Franceschini for being admitted at the Doctorate program in Computer Science in the Scuola di Dottorato di Scienze Ingegneria Medicina of the University of Verona. I’m very excited about this. Yes.
2. It’s important that you understand that I met Andrea in October 2008. He was an Erasmus student. He was doing his Master Thesis’ final project at the Music Technology Group, and I have been closely following his work as his research advisor, even if I didn’t understand anything. During the development of the project, he very positively impressed me with his research skills, motivation, inventive, and autonomy, by means of which he could achieve goals that, in my very humble opinion, outranked those usually required to get his degree. Truth is, I’m no one to reccommend this guy, but let’s go on.
3. However, Andrea is enthusiastic about his work, being a dreamchild, and he is a knowledge eager person that is never scared of taking an idea to its limits, except when he is. Often he supports his idea with proper arguments, sometimes involving topics that are not necessarily linked with his field of studies, which I find extremely annoying. This, together with his dedication to his work, means he is able to produce pieces of quality, inventiveness, and merit. Also, he produces pretty good shaped turds, but who doesn’t? He is determined and focused, and at the same time incredibly creative and innovative, always looking forward to expand his vocabulary by exploiting a wide range of media in a multidisciplinary manner. He is constantly researching new topics of interest, as well as new technologies, and is keen on collaborating with colleagues as a mean of exchanging knowledge and ideas. To be honest? I love him. He doesn’t even know. He doesn’t even know I’m gay, but

if you’re going to try, go all the way

 

Factotum – Henry Chinaski from Bukowski

“If you’re going to try, go all the way. Otherwise don’t even start. This could mean losing
girlfriends, wives, relatives, jobs. And maybe
your mind. It could mean not eating for three or four days. It could mean freezing on a park bench. It could mean jail. It could mean derision. It could mean mockery, isolation. Isolation is the gift. All
the others are a test of your endurance. Of how much you really want to do it. And you’ll do it, despite rejection in the worst odds. And it will be better than anything else you can imagine. If you’re going to try, go all the way. There is no other feeling like that. You will be alone with the gods. And the nights will flame with fire. You will
ride life straight to perfect laughter. It’s the only good fight there is. “

the intense heaven vs. the beautiful hell

there´s a sort of short happiness when you do nothing in particular.  a sort of happiness which relaxes you and makes your problems go away. it´s that intense feeling of being hidden in another environment,  with different kind of people, more relaxed, more flexible, happier. you have the perfect people around, nothing to worry about and less time to spend on the internet ( = real social life)[...]

[...]although you refuse to admit it, when this short happiness finishes, you have to get used – again –to your real life. suddenly, somehow, the only action of checking your emails reminds you about the other side of the hell. the challenges you have to face everyday in order to determine a change in you and the ones around yourself.  the people you meet and sometimes give you headaches because they terribly suffer of opinion mania. the hard work you have to do in order to accomplish your daily  little desires, which make your week better. the simple facts of having duties and responsibilities for a reason and not only for the money you have to earn, makes it an amazingly beautiful hell.

yes, the happy and relaxing heaven of doing nothing but enjoying the nice moments of your life is as good as smoking the last  cigarette of your new Spanish Chesterfield pocket…the question is for how long you  think you can resist in this predictably short lasting passion for doing nothing?

when you´re used to live in hell, you start liking that, especially for its challenges.  ”beside the difficulties and frustrations of these moments, you still have a dream”: the one of having lots of short intense trips in heaven, in a trial to bringing little parts of it in your own beautiful hell.